WHY IS MY CHILD OUT-OF-CONTROL? RAGE!

Moods — their identification and management -- are basic to all behavior and anger is a predominant and pressing problem for children, their families, and our communities.

The anatomy of anger: We are biologically programmed to act on our impulses, or feelings. The ability to react quickly was imperative to the very survival of early man, who needed to flee or fight in the event of danger. Close your eyes and imagine you’ve just returned home to find your living room in shambles, drawers emptied, and your possessions gone! Physical changes start occurring immediately. Your heart pounds, adrenaline charges through you, your hands feel a blood surge — all to ready your body for action - even after the deed has been done. As humans developed the ability to think in complex ways, both brain functions — the reactive and the rational — can work together, allowing us to respond appropriately to what is going on around us.

An appropriate response means reacting effectively and in proportion to the situation. All of us have seen the blowhard in the diner who screams at the waitress because his ketchup bottle is empty, the driver who speeds up dangerously close to the car in front because he thought he was cut off, or the mother who grabs her toddler’s arm because the child is crying. All of these rage responses are ineffective, out of proportion, and out-of-control.

Despite the capacity for complex thinking, when our feelings overwhelm us, they also overwhelm our ability to make appropriate, safe choices.

When the world around us is stressful, we’re overwhelmed. When children are overwhelmed by the situation, in league with the stresses of the world around them and their temperament, they have even fewer resources to draw upon. The result is, their feelings and behavior spiral out-of-control, often in fury.

The Seduction of Anger:

Of all our negative emotions, anger is the most intoxicating. Think of how energizing it initially feels to replay and justify ourselves for all to hear! This internal “court,” if you will, keeps stoking our anger. Even its explosion can be a “hoot,” mirroring our own desire to “lose control.” It’s the stuff that keeps the Jerry Springers in business — and our children revved up and misled.

Many people believe that children are immune to the stress diseases we see in adults. Research has shown this is untrue. Even in children who hide (or repress) their anger, the health risks are there. Pediatricians, parents, teachers, and therapists are reporting children with stress-anger related symptoms in greater numbers symptoms like headaches, fatigue, sleep disturbances, worsening allergies, compromised immune systems, proneness to accidents, high cholesterol, stomach aches, ulcers, and colitis.